He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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