i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
