My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
