I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
