Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize