I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
