Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize