FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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