Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
