go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
