She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish i was in the wii world.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
