It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He felt like a one man threesome
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize