none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
