turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
