i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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