Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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