I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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