he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
