I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
