i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
sarcasm needs its own font
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
