We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize