He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
