maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
