What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
