a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
