No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
