So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
