So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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