I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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