I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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