I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
