Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
