Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
