I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
