My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
