its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
