That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
