That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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