remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize