Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
