me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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