Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize