Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
