evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
