you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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