what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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