the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
