Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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