his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
