Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize