Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
