I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
