so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
