We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
