You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize