She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
