When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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