He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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