She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
