the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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