I CAN MOONWALK!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
