Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
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