oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
