that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
