Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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