My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it's like iHOP with fire
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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