We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
