My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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