I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well I just put wine in my tea
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
