If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
