I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
