great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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